this is not for the world
by owakana
Summary: The world becomes a playground for the most selfish and the most determined—everything else are toys. [si-oc!tsuna; si-oc!tsuna's sister; dark!self-insert!twin fic]
1. the wolf is made bigger than it is

**note:** i actually had no plot prior to writing this since i kept on mixing up my other ideas which was of another fandom until i stopped myself and began drawing the characters i wanted. i think better when drawing the characters and the plot, actually. and then i just began drawing everything i could think of, everything i wanted in a fanfic, and this happened. another semi-dark!oc but the twist is that there are two self-inserts which just makes me want to bend down and throw up. i get like that when i'm excited. so we know the whole si!tsuna or si!tsuna's-twin but personally, i haven't read something with both of them so here i am, writing _both_ si as tsuna and si as tsuna's twin sister. i'm really excited for this and excited for how i will maintain writing two characters. though i think there will be consistent reference for 'them' and 'they' because... well, things are complicated.

i just really hope you like it and are excited as i am for this because i really am excited for this. i also had to do some research about the tokugawa clan since the sawada family all were named after tokugawa shogun and i doubt iemitsu would name his daughter after a shogun so i had to thoroughly research the women of the tokugawa clan and debated over tsukiyama and tokuhime, both who married in the tokugawa clan. it was a hard choice since both females were... complex women, in lack of better terms. but i decided at the end that the history of the woman she was named after will be somewhat of a foreshadowing. and please, don't get me started on tokugawa tsunayoshi aka the dog shogun.

 **summary:** and the world revolved not around the sun, but around them. always them. [si-oc!tsuna si-oc!tsuna's sister] [twin-fic] [semi-dark!oc]

 **warning:** mentally unstable characters duh

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 _ **si dice sempre il lupo più grande che non è**_

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Eventually, they die.

It takes a long time and their hands are clasped between one another, tight and almost desperate. The ground shakes from beneath them and they are not sure if the earth is coaxing them to fall from wherever they are or maybe, the ground is not what is shaking but their knees quivering because of the cold warmth that spreads across their skin. ( _Their hands tighten, wrapped tight._ ) The femme fatale cocks her head to the side and offers multi-colored nothings and their grip loosens a little but they welcome the euphoria clinging to the edges of their throat, the mountain erupts but there are no ashes and no clumsy men and women trampling over one another. Instead, there are blank eyes and shaking joints. The woman stares at them head on with _almost_ apologetic eyes but she pours rainbows to herself as well, envious of their eyes which stare to nothingness. There is beauty in the way the neon lights blink at the femme fatale's twitching form. She melts with the vibrant gleam and the sweat clinging to the bodies of the mast.

They succumb to the booming music and the wicked beauty of youth's fragrance. One of them takes a glance down to where their hands are one, grinning with yellow teeth and bubbling crimson-tainted lips. They both smile and their bones of their hands creak at the tightness of their hold, never letting go because why will they let go? The other's painted nails draw enough blood to give the stench of iron. "It hurts," one of them complains but only a smile is given in response. "can you feel it? _The pain?"_

The question is ignored and they are both dragged to the middle of the swarming bodies and exploding gas. They gulp the ocean of the masses and weave through the forms of young volcanoes. Their mother and father warns them not to play with the flickering dance of red and orange and orange and red but their hands push forward to the raw seduction of immaculate radiance. Dance with the flickers and _oh_ , this platonic romance; _romanticize death with me_ , mold a casket of too thick bones and whispers ragged under the breathes of intoxicated rattles. This platonic romance, endless jointed arms darting for a body and another. The temperature is over a hundred degrees Celsius and the summer wind inhales the oxygen from their constricting lungs. The grains of the sand beneath their feet throbs and it is heavy with ever step they take but they move and move as if there is a hooded man chasing their identical frames. For once, they are the patchwork of ivory and gold, and _oh_ , for once, they are swallowing the sun whole and the world revolves not around the sun, but around them. always them in this romanticization of Samsara.

They feel like wolves scavenging for the scent of something miles and miles away, too far to reach with too short hands and too heavy breathing. They are not wolves, or even the patchwork of ivory and gold. The sun is not their meal for the night but it is close enough - they realize. It is close enough to see but far enough to reach for nobody can ever reach death, can they? They can see it with bare eyes and yet, their eyes will not be as alive as it is supposed to be when their skinny fingers wrap around what everyone calls death. The world revolves.

And it learns to stop revolving for them.

( _Eventually, they die._

 _It takes time but they still_ do.)

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Sawada Nana is a simple woman. She takes happiness in the smallest of things; from the way the sun clings to the galloping waves, to the way the scent of roses wilt away from the bouquet of flowers delivered from the other side of the world, from the way the blonde man with moons for smiles instead of stars she has always imagined her last love will have, opens her doorway with the expectation of a warm night, to the way he flusters over the grocery still light but keeps on insisting he wants to carry them for her and _kamisama_ , Sawada Nana is very simple woman with simple wishes and simple dreams. She sees the way her husband (her beloved Iemitsu and the heat of his burning skin) dims when his phone rings. She sees it all even with the naive quirk of her lips and wrinkles of her eyes. She had braided and long hair once upon a time but she feels her Iemitsu snuggling closer to her neck, leaving constellations of stars than can never be seen in the sky, leaving the remnants of his existence he doubts is still there. She goes to the salon and tells the woman with sharpened blades to give her a haircut. The woman asks if she is heartbroken and she wants to say _no, I'm not broken but my heart was taken and I will do anything to get it back_ \- she simply shakes her head and hopes her smile is enough to convey the feeling of love forcing its way in her throat.

This rendezvous her Iemitsu calls true love makes her stomach constrict and her lungs grow Camellia Japonica poured in the darkness of red wine. And she thinks of how Iemitsu makes her feel. He is a prince without a crown, has a kingdom but never his. The blood in his veins cannot give him what he wants and yet, he sits idle in his throne with the eyes of something she has forgotten. He is the wings of hummingbirds wherein their razor sharp flaps leave trails and trails of the remains of her heart. It is irreparable and even the halos of all the angels she has seen in his loving loving _loving_ gaze is not enough to put a stop for her thirst. She loves Iemitsu, really. She is a simple woman and she loves what she loves. She is the Azalea in his non-existent garden and the meaning behind the _hanakotoba_ he stumbles over. He will never understand her blooming language but she thinks it is alright. She does the understanding for both of them.

She lets his seed bloom within her and watches them grow for both of them. ( _She does the understanding and the loving for both of them_ , she realizes over and over again as she lays white chrysanthemums on the other side of the bed he once promised to live with her in.) Her little flowersher Tsunayoshi and Tokuhime. (His seeds but always her her _her flowers_.) Her beloved children.

Her beloved Tsu-kun and Toku-chan are heavy in her arms but she tries her best to carry them. She will do the carrying for her husband, will do the loving for her husband, will do everything for her husband if it means she keeps her little Tsu-kun and Toku-chan with her. She cries a little when a few months pass and she sees from which parent they inherited their features. They both take after her, she realizes with a smile of relief. (What relief? Why relief?) The same brown hair and doe eyesthe reason why Iemitsu fell head over heels for her. There are days when Nana wonders if the reason why Iemitsu left is because of how he does not love her ( _their_ ) children and maybe that is why she is relieved when she sees them, sees how much they resemble her. Maybemaybe her Iemitsu will love them now.

"I'm sorry, Tsu-kun, Toku-chan," she apologizes once upon a midsummer night. Her body is beneath the sheets of her ( _their_ ) bed and lets her children rest with her. They have been crying for hours to no end and she just does not know what to do. They keep on crying and crying and _oh_ , are they crying for Nana and her Iemitsu, the same way Nana does the loving and the caring and the taking care and the everything for the both of them? Her children are more like her than she has thought and that makes tears just bubble from the corner of her eyes. She feels like crying too. "Forgive your Papa, okay? He's a very busy man but he's doing all of this because he - because he..." She remembers Iemitsu's nightly calls and his encouraging voice and stammers. "...he loves you."

She wonders if she is trying to convince her children, or herself.

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They do not remember if their voices have always been like this; always been so tiny and so unfamiliar. Their throat constricts with their words and somehow, they stumble upon the 'r' and 'l' more times than they can count. Their accent is different too; the tilt in their English is gone and the disappearing letters have completely reappeared. There is something within the new language the sad woman gives to them that makes them feed themselves with spoonfuls of sharp-edged syllables that looses the music in the patterns of their speech a lifetime ago. They don't like the aggressive corners of the phrases but the woman who takes care, loves, and smiles at them brightens (like the feeling of a lover making the sun rise from your skin, telling them that the blazing ball of star-not-star awakens for them, that the world revolves around them but the world has long stopped revolving around their too small frames) as if they have given her something too beautiful to not smile at. They think that they will do this for the woman who calls herself their mother. She is kind of sad to look at and their other half thinks that that making her happy will please them.

One of them is Tokuhime. The one with female reproductive organs and star patterns on her back. Okaasan says that their Otousan has lots of black starts engraved in his skin too and says that it looks like the stars missing from the sky. Tokuhime asks why the stars on her back are the same color as the darkness she sees when she closes her eyes and there is sadness behind the supposedly naive gaze of their mother. "You've taken all of their light, Toku-chan," she says with fondness she reserves for her children.

Tokuhime really wants to see the woman happy. She wraps her small arms around the petite woman, wanting to give all the light she has stolen from the stars that mark her back to Nana. She does not say the _l-_ word just yet (or is it the _aishiteiru_ -word since they are no longer in the land with posh sonatas but the land where the sun rises) because she still does not know if she feels that way but she tries to convey her feelings - how she feels as if she is at home within Nana's presence, the scent of hot chocolate in a particularly shuddering-cold night, how she feels as if she is the cherry blossom in spring with petals that scatter through the world and cheeks clinging to the blush of childhood. She does not love Nana just yet but she thinks she will.

The other is Tsunayoshi. The one with male reproductive organs and the moon in his eyes, wary about everything else and the wannabe-aegis of his sister littered with stars. Okaasan says that his eyes kind of look like Otousan's, especially when he is frowning. He does not ask their mother about it because he is still afraid of what she may represent for he has seen it in the pages of a forgotten tale about multi-colored flames, an absent father, and a responsibility tightened around a young boy's (his) neck just because of the blood that keeps him alive. He is afraid of the woman who shows that everything here is not just a page in a something-number-of-volumes in a book he scanned through. He is not supposed to feel sadness because of a character who looks longingly at their front door, their telephone, and the picture frame beside the television. He is not supposed to feel attachment to something that is not real.

So he tightens his hands around Tokuhime. " _Do you love her_?" He asks with fear lacing his accented English, the same accent that represents their nationality a little while ago.

"Not yet," Tokuhime answers in Japanese and it breaks Tsunayoshi's heart when she does. His fingers slowly part from hers but Tokuhime wraps her fingers around his all of the sudden and turns to face his identical face with a small smile. " _It's okay. She is very easy to love. I'll love her soon, and you will too. We'll have a real Mum now. Aren't you happy?_ "

Tsunayoshi frowns, unconvinced. " _But she's,"_ supposed to be not real, the evidence of our future, of my future, the evidence of the tragedies waiting to happen, the evidence that the dancing embers are going to reach for them and never let go of them, the evidence of the world truly revolving around them and _oh_ , make a coffin out of our bodies for we are going to die, " _she's..._ "

Tokuhime smiles and it feels like the seas touching the dryness of the sand and the scorching heat of a summer getaway. " _I know who she is, what she is, who we are, and what we will be_ ," and Tsunayoshi realizes that Tokuhime has always been the calm one between them, but always the crybaby, always the one to get attached first, and always the first one to run back to each other because of the agonizing pain of betrayal, " _but aren't you curious of the potential of this - of everything? The flames that they preach and the unbreakable familial bond that everybody strives for? The elements clinging to their sky, the feeling of being accepted and welcomed? We can take everything with this, brother dearest. We can take it all."_

Always the selfish one between them.

" _We can do anything we want with t_ _his. Brother, the world revolves around us and it always will_ ," Tokuhime chirps and pulls his hand to his shoulder, forcing him into an embrace as he closes his eyes in acceptance of what they will be, what they will always be, " _aren't you happy?_ "

And Tsunayoshi is always the wistful one.

"I am."

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They say that the Sawada twins ( _yes_ , the one with the working European father and airhead of a mother, exactly those two) are a peculiar pair of children. The neighbors who have been there since day one will comment on how the twins are screamerscrying in the middle of the night, almost wailing as if they are mourning for something they have lost but you can never know with infants. They keep on seeing petite and beautiful Nana with bags under her doe eyes and her short hair ("Long hair suits you more, Nana-chan," a soft sigh of disappointment, "you shouldn't have gone with that European boy.") messier than it usually is.

And then, the Sawada twins grow.

Little Tokuhime and Tsunayoshi both look exactly like their motherexcept for those pointed eyes and stiff shoulders.

Tokugawa Tsunayoshi was known for being the Dog Shogun and while this is an ongoing joke in their humble Namimori preschool, Tsunayoshi frowns in disgust whenever those muttshe never really called it such but with that pout he forces to be a scowl, it almost sounds as if he is mentally addressing them as mutts. Dogs, especially that newborn chihuahua a couple of houses away from theirs, seem to really dislike little Tsunayoshi. Oda Tokuhime who married within the Tokugawa Clan, specifically marrying Tokugawa Ieyasu's son, Matsudaira Nobuyasu, was a somewhat wicked woman disliked by her mother-in-law. The hatred grew for years and years until Tokuhime found a way to have the woman executed, only for her beloved husband to get dragged along the tragedy, only with Nobuyasu committing seppuku because of his father's inability to kill one of his sons. Sawada Tokuhime is the one resembling her mother the most with vibrant smiles and fleeting sundresses, a hand always around her brother's.

There are days when one neighbor looks at the pair with frowning lips and squinted eyes.

"Oh, Sawada-san has twins?"

"Yeah!" A high-pitched agreement, riddled with surprise, "didn't you know? Tokuhime-chan and Tsunayoshi-kun are always together. Everybody knows Sawada-san has twins."

The neighbor purses his lips. "The last time I looked, I was pretty sure Sawada-san only had a boy, and he wasn't that... gloomy-looking."

Another snorts. "You probably saw Tokuhime-chan then. They looked really alike when they were much younger."

"Hm, I guess so."

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 **note:** that's it for the first chapter. so like, there are already lots of differences seen - i wrote tsuna as a more private character, one who tends to go away from the crowd. both of the twins are still skies though. but if i were to give them other elements, i would say that tsuna is a cloud and toku is a mist. their characters are really hard to write since i keep on writing tsuna as someone almost like sasuke without the revenge and i keep on writing toku as someone like eto, when they aren't supposed to be like that. i think the first few chapters will have me focusing on tsuna since i really like writing from tsuna's perspectives, especially with the next chapter being reborn's arrival ... in one way or another. but i really am excited for the upcoming plot twist. i'm trying my best not to put iemitsu on the dark side since he's also a complex and selfish character but eh, that's how it works.

i hope you liked this chapter. this is actually my first khr fic that i actually posted publicly. makes me want to post more and more chapters idek why. and it's like 11 in the morning and i still haven't eaten breakfast. my laptop is dying ... i think. anyway, reviews feed the author so i would love to hear more of your opinions on this fic! i also have a naruto one, just saying. like yesterday was my debut on but i also have an account on wattpad but i think i'm liking more. sorry, wp.


	2. take it or leave it

**note:** i'm listening to _king gnu_ while writing this and i can't focus. to be honest, i'm really surprised that so many people followed this story even though it's only been a week or something. i also sincerely apologize since i haven't really thoroughly planned anything for this. i only though that maybe this plot is kind of nice, and added some things that i wanted to happen but everything else in between is a complete blank slate. i think this means i have to read more khr si-oc fics to get some inspiration. i mean, i think it would be really easy to write this, in terms of how this is just one big fic with three main tropes; twin-fic, tsuna-has-a-sister, and si-as-tsuna. what's hard is writing what comes in between of the major events. and the guardians. oh god, this really will be hard.

i really envy _vixentail_ for having lengthy chapters and so much information in just a single one. i have a hard time compiling ideas in one chapter and mostly just end up with excessive details that are completely unnecessary. as you can see, i am better when it comes to descriptions than the dialogue itself, because i prefer describing than having my characters converse. i'm really aiming for the ephemeral feel through the schapters and i think i am failing drastically. anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this tsunayoshi-centric chapter :D and no, this isn't going to be incest. sorry, but no.

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 ** _o mangiar questa minestra o saltar questa finestra._**

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He finds it painfully easy to love somebody like Sawada Nana, and it makes him think if Iemitsu ( _his supposed father but all he sees is a blonde man pleading for a family_ ) really loves the woman or if he is just leaning to the first person who has given him the possibility of the love he has been aching for. Tsunayoshi knows people like Iemitsu well; those people who claim to be selfless as they turn themselves into the slaves of domineering figures but are actually the most selfish ones—tightening their hold around the only thing that makes them feel complete and yet also dragging more and more people for they can never be satisfied. His bones groan from underneath his skin as he watches Iemitsu interact with Nana in an almost sickeningly sweet manner. _Love_ , he thinks as his fingers drum against the dining table, _how can you tell if you love the person or love the idea of them?_ Iemitsu embodies this question.

How many things has he already changed from just being Tsunayoshi?

His eyes (instead of the wide-eyed caramel brown, it dims to a darker shade he has never seen from the screens of stumbling, sad boys) turn to his open palms—small, just like any other child. That superficial bond they call love... he wonders if it is authentic but who is he to question what is authentic when once upon a time, he had been one of those teenagers aching for the same superficial love he frowns in disgust at. This is not who Tsunayoshi is supposed to be.

"My little tuna!" The eccentricity of his father's voice is perfectly manicured and polished, the sign of a true mafioso. It scares him and he holds back a flinch whenever his father throws his arms around his small frame that he can easily crush and this man can kill him will kill him and will be the cause of his impending doom in the underworld it scare _s him save him Tokuhime I want to leave please_ —Tsunayoshi looks up to meet the pale gaze of his father, the edges of the man's face are sharp and scream foreigner. Nana's mother and father had been traditional people. No wonder they hated Iemitsu.

He does not like this place.

He does not like the warmth it offers.

This is not his home.

His home is in England and the rains and the shuddering weather. He throws on a coat but it slips from his grasps when he feels the heat creep within his skin and _oh,_ he is in Japan. He wonders if Tokuhime (this is not her name but he cannot remember what it is supposed to be, it hurts to say it out loud so he keeps his mouth shut) feels this loneliness eating his stomach from inside out. Does she feel unimportant? Or too important like him because he is going to be the Vongola Decimo, fight some boy with more scars than smiles, fight another man once trapped in the ice and awakened with a firm feeling of betrayal from the man he should have had never trusted, fight another dimension-travelling boy whose tattoo represents the tears he should have had shed, fight another boy with the weight of generations of bitter tales on his shoulders, fight some more, and destroy the curse plaguing the universe. Tsunayoshi is not strong. Tsuna is the one who is strong. Not him. Can the gods not just take him and drop Tsuna back? Tsuna will be able to handle this, not Tsunayoshi who is selfish and too much like his father to be the savior of this world.

He is not a hero. Why is no one listening to him?

"I—I can't do this," he whispers to his sister (his twin sister in more lives than one, his other half, always always with him please don't _leave_ me) whose eyes are focused on the dwindling lives of the flowers she claims to want to see grow. She always ends up snapping their growth short because of their beauty. His sister hated fleeting things. _Stay with me forever_ —his fingers make its way to her bleeding ones. The roses refuse to die under her hands and it digs against her skin, thorns pushing her away almost desperately. It proves that they do not know his sister the way he knows her. Tokuhime is a selfish child. She gets what she wants all the time. Which is why despite voicing out his complaints and fear of this world, he knows he will be forced to walk with her, not as if he will leave without her. If there is something he will never do, it is leaving this world without his sister. He is too much of a coward to stand alone. "I don't want to be Tsuna."

Tokuhime cocks her head when he says this, her pale brown eyes almost looking like orange under the mocking gaze of the sun. "Eh?" She whines. "Who says I want you to be Tsuna?"

"Huh?" Tsunayoshi's head snaps up.

His sister stands up from the clearing and lifts her hands up to the skies. The world feels like ending when he wakes up from the neon lights and is greeted by the monstrosity everybody calls the world. He is afraid of this story. Everything revolves around him now, just him, and he will do anything to drag his sister with him. He cannot do this alone. He is too afraid, too much of a coward, too hesitant, and fearful of living.

( _"Ugh, aren't they kind of gross?"_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"Duh, the twins of course! They're way too close. Are you guys sure they aren't... you know?_ _"_ )

He is reminded of booming music and glowing bodies, bathing in sweat and a multitude of colors intertwine in an explosion as Tokuhime turns around and faces the river. He remembers this river only from the screens. He does not know if he wants to remember it but he makes sure to carve this memory in molten rocks. He feels as if he is made of gold and diamonds and bundles of minerals and treasures forced to unite in one entity. He does not need to be Tsuna?

"Of course!" Tokuhime chirps and pulls him up to his feet. Their small feet stumble as they run to the river. "We've already seen the first one, so why would we attempt to do it all over again? That's just boring. And besides, Tsuna's no fun! He's too nice and too weird, too accepting. I don't want the kind of brother! That's so bo _ooo_ ring! I want Tsunayoshi! He's fun!"

Tsunayoshi glows. "Really?"

"Yup!"

( _Jack fell down and broke his crown._

 _And Jill came tumbling after._ )

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Tsunayoshi sends a search party for his voice when he meets the little girl he is supposed to love with all his heart. He does not find it and wonders how many search parties the real Tsuna sent out to search for something is refusing to show up. But there is an unspoken rule—you need to wait twenty-four hours to send a search party for someone missing. He wonders then how the hell Tsuna will love someone like Sasagawa Kyoko who is, indeed, cute in this raw age of six and a half but she resembles his mother too much. She resembles his mother with the smiles and soft features and the way she breathes in the sunflowers in a wintery night, breathing in all the lies being fed to her. Sawada Nana is high in the Sky Flames of his father, high in the feeling of being in Cloud Nine and maybe Nana is also a Sky. Untapped and unnoticed but still a Sky. The appearance of an active Sky (an active, dominant Sky) makes her so so weak.

He dislikes Kyoko. And _no_ , he does not say he dislikes her because he hates many things and he does not hate her in the same way he automatically hates anything that he deems too _ugly_ , too _unsatisfactory_ —too different from what he is used to. He dislikes Kyoko in the same way he dislikes pathetically weak people. He hates people who go with the flow as if they do not have the strength to act. _You know you can do better_ , he wants to scream, _then why aren't you doing anything?_ He hates this world. He hates Kyoko. (He hates himself as he clings to his sister, the one always stronger between the two of them.)

Kurokawa Hana stands beside Kyoko like a guard dog waiting to lung to anything in the two meter vicinity. There are too many piano keys between her teeth as she bares them like a rabid dog and Kyoko sits with empty happy eyes that Tsunayoshi wants to gouge them out of those eye sockets of hers framed with eyelashes too long for her face. Tsunayoshi hates the naive facade that Kyoko sports (and he ignores the possibility that maybe, Kyoko is really all sunshine and dandelions and roses without thorns under the sun) and when she asks what his name is, he reaches for his sister almost immediately and dreads to find out that she is not here.

 _Tsu-kun_ , Nana purrs like a woman trying to be a mother but she can never be a mother with the weakness of being too high in Sky Flames. She's too intoxicated—too drenched and too hypnotized in the drug that they call the euphoria of being tied to a Sky, a Sky tied to a Sky—only one will survive and Nana is not the one who survived and Tsunayoshi thinks that Iemitsu is only staying with Nana in form of guilt—and maybe in his own way of love that suffocated everybody who touches it. Iemitsu is not a good man, not a good father, not a good husband, and Tsunayoshi knows that he can never be a good one. But he loves and loves. Sometimes, it is enough. For now, it is enough.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi," he manages to answers and _thank kami_ , the search party arrived with his voice in tow, dragging it forcefully and his voice ends up rugged and too broken, too protected, too sheltered with walls towering his frame.

Kyoko brightens and Tsunayoshi hates the blinding radiance she pours. _Get those flames away from me_ , he begs. Two Sky Flames—one will not survive and Tsunayoshi wills his flames to push her off and _get away from him, get away get the fuck away from me_ —"Tsuna-kun? Can I call you that?" She asks with a head tilt and Tsunayoshi wants to just go away but he is waiting for the appearance of his sister, and he is waiting for his body to be eaten by the ground but it does not, it never does.

"No," he spits.

Hana bristles. "Let's just get out of here, Kyoko!"

Tsunayoshi does not look at them as Hana drags Kyoko away. _Nevermind_ , he thinks.

He is too sad for this world. _Just go away_.

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Kyoko returns. "Tsunayoshi-kun?" She chirps.

(He hates those round, brown eyes—those pretentious eyes that remind him too much of his mother who is too drunk in the flames of someone she calls her husband. _And I'm supposed to love her?_ )

"It's Sawada," Tsunayoshi hisses.

 _Go away_.

.

.

She returns again.

This time, it is Tsunayoshi who leaves.

.

.

 _The skincrawlers change their forms with a blink of an eye. He melts into the bedsheets of one thousand and one nights, a promise untold and a forgettable name that lingers on his lips. This superficial love makes him feel and feel and feel and feel_ — _can you hear him? He is a boy, just a boy. "I love you," what empty words will he say next to satisfy the night? His touch is not smooth and his hands are calloused with the adventure of mingling with dancing devils._

 _Smoke wraps its hands around his neck._

This is not for the world—he concludes.

.

And again.

.

.

And again and again and again.

"Sawada-kun!"

"Kyoko, let's just go!"

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Tokuhime's eyes are different from his, Tsunayoshi realizes. While his are an orange that gleams like the sun (emphasizing his difference to Tsuna who has always been pathetically weak and a pushover and he hates hates hates _hates Tsuna so much_ ), Tokuhime's eyes are darker, almost red but still orange, like the sun as it leaves to give back the moon the throne in the skies. Today, her eyes seem a little darker. They are narrowed in disgust and annoyance, laced with the same poison that spins like a pirouette whenever the spotlight shines under her gaze.

"When is she going to stop?"

The little boy (or what is supposed to be a little boy) lets his eyes meet the darker gaze. He remembers the years—back then, years and years ago, a lifetime ago—as they face the flickering screen with blankets draped over their shoulders. _It is them against the world. Always_. The woman with anger licking her throat talks vaguely about disliking weakness, disliking the pathetic facade the characters supposedly representing the feminine counterparts of an ideal person. "This is disgusting," she spits and Tsunayoshi returns to the _now_ instead of lingering in the _before._ He threads his hands with his sister.

He forces a smile. "She'll get tired soon," he is not sure if he is talking about himself or the little girl who he is supposed to love.

"If you say so," Tokuhime answers as her shoulders slouch back to a much comfortable stance. She forces her back to rest against the prickly grass. Tsunayoshi stays silent, watching the movement of the sky along with his partner against the entire world. Their hands remain intertwined— _like their deaths_ , are the unspoken words shared by the two children.

Tsunayoshi looks up, feeling nails digging in his palm. "You won't fall in love with that _pathetic_ girl, right?" Tokuhime suddenly asks.

 _Sasagawa?_ He wonders. "Of course not," his answer is immediate and the pace of his reply makes Tokuhime grin from ear to ear. She suddenly stands up from the ground and waves her arms around, feeling the wind pushing her back.

The world will never love them. It has always been pushing them down, its magic pinning their arms to the floor, even deeper to the floor. They have never been the lucky pair, only unfortunate ones. From the very beginning, it was them. And until now—new lives or not, new face or not, they are still as one as before. No matter how much they complain, they know that as long as their fingers can reach one another's, as long as their gazes can still meet, as long as they feel the throbbing of one another's heartbeats against their own—even if the world burns from behind them, and even if the world tears the limbs—they will still stand together.

"I'm happy," Tokuhime comments, her grin still on her childlike face. She turns around. "You don't deserve a weak and pathetic wife. I'll find someone suitable for you, someone who can be a great wife of a Mafia Don, definitely not someone like Sasagawa—" She says the name as if her tongue tasted something awful. Tsunayoshi ignores this, used to the picky antics of his sister. "—Kurokawa Hana is pretty interesting, you know! No! Actually, you can have any of your guardians. I'll make sure you don't need to do some _bullshit_ like being forced to make children! I'll do the job."

It makes Tsunayoshi wonder how much his sister has planned out. "What do you mean?" He asks.

The gleam of something _deep_ and _red_ yet so _orange_ gleams and only Tsunayoshi notices it. (The world is ending.) He watches it all fall down in place. "Personally, Mist Flames are the most powerful but Mukoro isn't really my type, you know?" Tokuhime chirps. "Besides, imagine what _Cloud_ Flames can do to Sky Flames—propagate its strength? Ah—this world lacks the creativity for flames."

 _Cloud?_ Tsunayoshi wonders. "You want Hibari?"

The roll of something unfamiliar rolls in his stomach again as he feels Tokuhime's flames grow denser and denser at the thought of the future. He does not ask what she is planning for he trusts her, trusts her with all his heart and soul so he keeps his pursed lips from speaking as his sister nods. "Yup!" She says. "So, Tsunayoshi... can you not form a bond for Hibari for me?"

( _But Hibari is Tsuna's guardian_ —Hibari is Tsuna's and will always be— _what are you doing? What the hell are you doing? Hibari is_ —)

"Of course."

(He watches the world ends. But it is okay. He loves his sister still.)

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 **OMAKE**

Kurokawa Hana is afraid of the Sawada Twins but she will never say it out loud. When she thinks of them, the first thing she sees are those eerily orange eyes. More amber than orange. Or more red than orange? _Tokuhime_ is scary but she knows that Tsunayoshi is scarier. While Tokuhime is as selfish and manipulative as all monsters come, Tsunayoshi comes in as an angel in disguise. He holds his heart behind bars and his soft-looking exterior contrasts Tokuhime's version of their mother's face. Tokuhime has certain angles that are sharper, angles that scream something dangerous. Tsunayoshi is a boy with hair falling above his eyes, amber— _orange_ —red—brown eyes piercing the soul of whoever sees it.

When her best friend, the sweet Kyoko, her sweet Kyoko, attempts to befriend the boy with a monster for a sister, she feels like leaving everything behind. The adults tell stories of how smart the Sawada twins are and how charismatic they will be despite their rounded faces. Hana cannot see what they see. All she sees is a little girl who may as well plan for world domination with how everyone is dancing to her own accord, and a little boy who pretends to hide behind his sister's shadow when he is as much—maybe even worse—of a monster than she is.

She wants to drag Kyoko away from the boy.

"But he looks lonely, Hana-chan. Even Toku-chan looks so sad," Kyoko pouts when she asks why her best friend keeps returning to the monstrous boy despite his obvious distaste for her. Honestly, Hana does not see why the hell Tsunayoshi does not like her Kyoko-chan! Kyoko is pretty and nice and smart and friendly and—(she is deep in the Sky Flames, hungover by an attraction untold.)

 _Lonely?_ Hana scoffs.

But—

When she looks at the two and see their hands tight around one another's, she realizes how afraid they are to let go of one another. Like that time when the class was playing cops and robbers and they ended up in different teams—Hana remembers the look of terror in Tokuhime's eyes as she is pulled away from Tsunayoshi and the way the boy reached for her a little. She watches as the teachers fondly scolds the two for never being seperated from one another because there are some people who also want to be partners with one of them, but Tokuhime wobbles her lower lip and Tsunayoshi pouts a little. The teachers never try to pull them away from one another again.

There is something odd between Tokuhime and Tsunayoshi. Something that she cannot put a finger to.

 _Lonely_ is not the right word. It takes her weeks, months, and years to find out what the something is. And as she watches an infant sitting on the windowsill of the Sawada household, and the way he looks at the Sawada twins, she realizes she is not the only one who notices how off the two are.

It takes years.

And a death is what makes her realize.

Tokuhime and Tsunayoshi are not lonely. They will never be lonely.

They're just horrifically dependent.

And as the other drenches in the blood of their sibling, they despair.

(Kurokawa Hana once wondered what will happen to the twins if one of them disappears. And as she stands alone in the bloodshed of a Sky's anger, she knows.

 _The world is ending_ —she remembers softly how everytime, before the two engage in wars, they hold hands and smile secretly.

"Us against the world."

"Always.")

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 **note:** hana's pov is totally unplanned but i wanted to do some foreshadowing. i know it's just the second chapter but i can't help but do it! and and and and _aaaand_ tokuhime wants hibari and tsunayoshi is kind of bugged by this but whatever will happen, will happen. i'm really excited for when reborn comes—probably next chapter? or the chapter after the next? but reborn comes in and everything ends. i'm still surprised at how you guys are anticipating the next chapter of this. well, here it is and i hope it's to your satisfaction. lol, it's probably not because it's kind of empty and even i'm kind of disappointed at the word count. well. yeah.


	3. death finds me alive

**s-lioness:** hello, i'm glad that you like the chapters so far! the first part basically described their deaths during their past lives. yeah, they were mostly clinging to one another and they were two different people; still twins as they are in the moment as tsunayoshi and tokuhime. well, i can't really spill everything since it's going to be explained through the story but their deaths were mostly due to overdose of drugs. they were both in a party and the 'femme fatale' person thing will be elaborated more in the next chapters. but the twins were twins, even back then as elaborated in chapter two, and died because of overdose :D

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 _ **la morte mi trovera vivo.  
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 _Yamamoto Takeshi had once been an interesting character; she was once intrigued by the depression that dances with him—Tokuhime's curiosity was piqued when Yamamoto Takeshi looked back to where Tsuna (never Tsunayoshi, she scoffs) attempted to stop him from going further, when his eyes had this familiar look of sadness and the world never did anything right to me. Her peers, those that she watched the anime with, commented about how stupid Yamamoto was. Did he not think of his father? Was he that selfish to get rid of his life just for baseball? Was Amano Akira just desperate to have drama that she made a depressed character for the plot? She remembers joining the chorus of laughs._

 _But is that not the thing with depression?_

 _It comes for the pettiest of reasons and attacks with an army. It has always been like that. Tokuhime liked Takeshi's character. He was sad, lonely, and everything in between dead and alive. His facade was so beautiful that Tokuhime wanted to scoop him up and display him in her rows of masks, wanting to promise him protection but—no, Tokuhime smiles sadly at the boy who has been too busy smiling at his classmates to notice the pitying glance he receives from the child. She is already planning to take so much from her dear Tsunayoshi and surely, she is not planning on taking all his guardians._

 _Well, she is not particularly fond of Mukuro (but that eye, that power, the lives he had live and oh, would he be sharing the same pain she and her twin brother are experiencing now, will he know the pain of a hand grabbing the soul from within the body and forcefully pulling it out as if waving a joystick—this trigger-happy world smiles for the sake of the world that is slowly learning how to destroy) nor does she like Chrome. Gokudera is too eccentric for her tastes, and Lambo is too much of a baggage she is not willing to shoulder. Strong or not, she sets her eyes to the real prize in this gameshow._

 _Sawada Tsuna (not her brother, her brother is different from that pathetic excuse of a Mafia Boss) had been too blind even with the support of the powerful Hyper Intuition. The prize was there before him. They scrambled down to his feet, taking a peek at a pure and unadulterated Sky, the anticipating gaze, waiting for vibrant orange flames to brush against their own but it never does. Tsuna's flames remember the feeling of his true Guardians. Giotto remembers his Guardians; they take form of little boys with too much to lose and a world to protect. But Tsunayoshi and Tokuhime are not like Tsuna. They will never be like that boy who never knew the truth about being a Flame user, the flexibility of their Will, and the endless capacity of imagination and creativity._

 _Woops, she just can't reveal all her cards, right?_

(Stop lying, crybaby.)

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She knows people used to call her a brat, and with a valid reason too. She liked ( _likes_ , present tense because until now she liked getting what she wanted and _kamisama above_ , she will be danmned before she does not get her hands on _Vongola_ —oops, she should not have said that) having everything going according to her plan. She likes it when she predicts something correctly, obsessed with being in control because _what will she be if not the leader?_ She is charismatic, magnetic—and she will die again before anybody says otherwise. Tokuhime is a selfish child (is child even the right word to call someone like her, body-stealer, ghostface, who is she supposed to be now—always _always the twin sister_ ) and she knows that. She grabs that title with both hands and is not ashamed to admit that there had been times—more than once, more than twice, and definitely more than thrice—when she vowed that she will do _anything_ and _everything_ to get what she wants.

Is she cruel for being selfish?

Is she doing something wrong?

Does she have to kneel to a god she does not even worship for Sunday masses, her mother looming behind her. _Repent for my sake,_ she hears the woman whisper from a memory too long ago yet she still remembers everything—what perfume the woman was wearing, what lipstick she chose to paint herself in—she remembers the feeling of her manicured nails and the roughness of her designer bag. _Repent for me_ — _you will do that for me right_ —she still feels the way her name rolls from the widow's tongue.

( _Shh, you're Tokuhime now._ )

 _God_ , she prays, _you have given your children freedom and the right to choose their destinies and yet you claim that I have damned your legacies for choosing? For being selfish and doing what I wish to do? What a hypocrite you are_ _—_ and she hates no one more than she hates whatever Supreme Being is watching above for they preach one single phrase at the very end of the story—do good. _Good?_ What is good to her? What is good to the majority? The system of goof and evil is flexible in more ways than one; if she steals an apple for her starving mother, then she is doing good for her family but not for society. What does the Supreme Being expect of her? What does this world expect of her? Does it expect her to grovel and bruise her knees as she kneels for a god she cannot see?

Until she learns to not depend on whatever Supreme Being is there.

Until she learns to not spend hours after hours whispering and begging for forgiveness—

She learns to depend on herself and— _"It's us against the world,"_ her brother says with a smile that reminds her of the curve of the sea as she lounges by the cliff of an island she forgets. The curve of the horizon, the orange mixing with deep blue, and the promise of a night coming—it all reminds her of the brother she knows she can never leave. When he promised her those words, when he wrapped his fingers around her own as she sheds the tears she has never gotten to shed (what is she even talking about _she is the crybaby in this makeshift family of theirs_ ), when her footing did not slip past the creaking edges of the wrathful waves, she learns to stop believing.

Which is why—

Which is why the world has no right to blame her for the events that will occur in a few years. The world has not right to blame her if she tries to get it all again. She will fish for the stars with a broken rod whether the world likes it or not, capture the sun with her palms and let it burn her skin if it means sh _eeee_ e (they they they) _will be ha_ — _ppy_ again. Douse her in the water in the world, drown her in the oceans where the corpses of Tokuhime #1 and Tokuhime #2 and Tokuhime #3 and Tokuhime #4—all the To _To_ To _To_ kuhime she has taken from, pull her where she can never be seen again—she knows she is not on the good side of this world, she knows that she will most likely never be the main character of this story, or the perfect and kind and worshipping and _oh so sweet and innocent_ twin sister that Tsunayoshi (she remembers his name, _their names_ but he will never remember again—it's fine—everybody might think she is the stronger one between the two of them but she will always be the—) will wish for. She knows that. She knows and knows a _nd knows that._

Because _"Isn't your sister kind of freaky?"_ is something she has heard more than once. She hears it over and over again even as she tries to confine herself in the walls of white and she knows she will never be able to escape from the remembrance of euphoria and _the raw feeling of being free from this world that keeps and keeps and keeps on ruining her_. She knows she is not ideal. Once upon a time, she was born with vibrant red hair and the green eyes of her mother and father and _yes_ , she still remembers their once-warm smiles until the pages turn and she dyes her hair to the platinum blonde she finds beautiful, the platinum blonde her first lover had. She insists to her brother to dye his hair (he loved and loved his ginger hair but he loved his sister more) to the color of hers, and with a smile, an accepting smile, a sad smile, an ' _anything for you_ ' smile, the remnants of his ginger hair disappear.

 _"You're still beautiful,"_ she whispered.

 _"You're just calling yourself beautiful,"_ he replied.

(She loves his brother more than anything else, she realizes.)

There are times when she will apologize, times when she will throw tantrums for everything than she can have, times when she will hate one, two, three, four and five and six and seven, times when she will hope she never existed in the first place, times when she will ache for love and affection, times when she will cry (she will always cry because she has always been the—), and there will come a time when she will be kinder than she is, much kinder and a little softer, and maybe more selfess. (She longs for that day to come; the day when she will get rid of this greed and cruelty that throbs within her. She longs for the day she will finally be satisfied and actually smile at what she has. _"You need to learn to be satisfied!" "What? I thought you didn't care about_ — _about me!" "I'm saying this because you're my sister. I want to help you." "If you really love me then_ —") But for now, the world has to accept it. This is all she can offer the world for now.

And so, if she cries as she pleads for more—

If she cries as she does not get what she wants—

If she cries as she thinks of the possibility that Tsunayoshi will leave her for someone else again—

If she cries and cries and begs for more things than she can ever afford, if she asks for the whole world to worship her, and if she cries more—

The world has to understand.

 _Please understand._

 _This is all I can be._

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"Call me _Ojiisan._ "

She wants to cry. She really does. She hates this man before her, never liked his character because he is just _too signifant,_ and has the world seen how cruel he is to his adopted son? He ruined _her_ favorites and will definitely ruin her beloved brother—she wants to gut this man, drive him insane with her flames and _and and and_ she feels the lingering scent (feeling, aura, or whatever this thing is supposed to be) of one of his Guardians just outside their gate, masking himself as a black-suited man, a common bodyguard, a nobody, and he truly looks like it but Tokuhime can feel it. She feels their bond in a tight hold and the stretch of flames entering the room— _I am always here to protect you_ , seems to be the unspoken words.

 _I want a Guardian_ , she thinks, _I want one too._

No, no, no—not _one_. She wants a whole set. She does not like Tsuna's set of Guardians. She much prefers something like Byakuran's—those broken, broken children who relies heavily on the only light they can see, utterly loyal and will do anything for the white-haired man. She wants some of those, she wants the attention, and the reverance. She wants the feeling of meeting people more broken than her, relying on her to fix and patch them up like a mother. Did you know? _It was my first dream;_ she wanted to become a mother. She wonders what the feeling of creating a being will be. Does it feel like she is a god? Does it feel like the entire world is gone and only she and whatever child she will have are the only people in the world?

 _Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood stumbled upon a wolf. "Don't worry," she hums, "I will save you, oh, broken child."_

She wants to save someone.

 _Who will be my Storm? Mist? Sun? Rain? Lightning? Her Cloud_ —she wants Hibari. She can have Hibari, right? He has always been her favorite. Besides, Tsunayoshi will do anything for her— _then who will be Tsunayoshi's Cloud Guardian_ —he can look for another one! _Clouds are the rarest, only second to Sky Flames in rarity_ _and_ —he can find another one. She wants Hibari. Her favorite has always been Hibari. Tsunayoshi will do anything for her. He will do anything _anything anything anything_ for her—she knows he loves her. _No_ , you're not sure about that.

What?

 _You're not sure if Tsunayoshi loves you as much as he used to. You're no longer in England._ She's no longer in England. _You're not the kids sent to boarding school because your mother is too busy whoring off for rich men who spend their nights dancing with curved women and red-stained lips. You're not the kids who eat because of your mother's whoring. You're not those kids anymore_ —but—but— _you're not sure if Tsunayoshi loves you still, you know._

 _You're no longer siblings._

(Think about it; your beloved twin brother is born as Sawada Tsunayoshi, the older sibling, the older _male_ sibling. He is the direct descendant of Giotto and resembles him too much that he can be mistaken as the Primo. His Flames are as pure as the Primo, they share the _same Flames but why why why_ Tsunayoshi is no longer the reincarnation—or whatever that is supposed to be— _but_ he has his blood, his Flames, and the familiarity of Tsunayoshi's Flames will draw in the original Guardians— _you won't have Hibari,_ idiot. Hibari will never be attracted to _your_ Flames when Tsunayoshi is there. _Can't you see?_ Tsunayoshi may not be Tsuna but they have the same Flames, the same body, and therefore will they have the same Guardians.

 _Tsunayoshi is not Tsuna_.

Someday, he will forget. He doesn't even remember his _own_ name, the name of his _supposedly beloved sister and someday someday someday_ —

Tsunayoshi will forget you someday.

 _But it's always them against the world_ —"It's us against the world," _he whispers_ —whispered _whispered whisperedwhisperedwhispered_ —whispering whispering, whispers—he whispered, hands around her scarred wrists, forcing her to stay on the ground, and far away from the edge of the underworld. "It's us against the world. Always. Okay?" _But he promised_.

Why is he forgetting? She's not forgetting. If he's forgetting then she also wants to— _no no no! You're not supposed to forget! You're supposed to keep on remembering._ Cling to these memories, _your memories._ _You can do the remembering for the two of you_ —and then—and then _you_ can—

And then she will alone.

 _Tsunayoshi is not Tsuna._

[Someday he will forget _you_ and _everything in between. And when that day comes, what will you do?_ ]

 _Tsunayoshi is not Tsuna. Soon, he will succumb to this body and then_ —

Tsunayoshi is not Tsuna. But with the rate of what is happening— _can you remember my name_ —he may as well be.)

They are—

 _Rivals for Vongola Decimo_.

She purses her lips and focuses her eyes on Vongola Nono, Timoteo Vongola who will lose his children like one will lose his toys. _What an unfortunate man._ She glances at Tsunayoshi who does not know how to react around the man but she does. _She knows what to do, you know what to do_ —she knows— _don't let him seal your flames._ (She will always love Tsunayoshi, whether he forgets her or not, he will always love Tsunayoshi who has been there with her since the beginning of time, and the beginning of her everything.) _Don't let him seal your flames. Don't let him. Neve_ r, never let him.

When they are sent to their room that night as the adults talk, their smiles are patronizing as she tilts her head asks why they cannot be considered as adults. Tsunayoshi fidgets and pleads to leave somewhere in the back of his mind (she knows it for she knows everything about him but does she truly still know him). _Does she still know him? Is he still Tsunayoshi?_ But it is alright. She's going to make sure that everything is alright. Don't worry. _You don't need to worry anymore._ She's going to make sure that they will both be happy. It's fine, _it will be fine_ because Tokuhime has decided.

"Tsunayoshi?"

"Hm?"

He looks so innocent, so beautiful, he looks so much like her—her perfect male counterpart.

"Tsunayoshi," her voice shakes because this is their history all over again, everything and everything that defines them, "I have a favor."

 _You can't let him forget you, can you? You're still the pathetic crybaby who whines over the smallest of things, unable to do anything on her own because that's just the kind of person you are. Too hateful, too loving, too selfish, too kind_ —It will be fine. Tokuhime has decided. _Don't forget me. Don't forget me. Don't forget me. I don't want to be forgotten. Please. Please._

 _I'm_ —

— _begging_ —

— _you._

"What is it?"

 _It's us against the world._

"Will you die with me again?"

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 **(1)** tokuhime is actually not that complex; she's basically a brat who cries when she doesn't get what she wants. but she's a _smart_ and _manipulative_ brat who usually gets what she wants. tsunayoshi and tokuhime's first life had them born from a mother and father who originally had a good relationship but shit happened, and it ended up with their mother 'whoring around' and the twins being really dependent on one another. and with their new life adding up, things continue to get messier and messier. tokuhime may come off as someone 'who wants to rule the world' or something, but that isn't her goal; that's just her way of saying that she wants to live a life where she doesn't have to work so fucking hard for everything. at the end of their first lives, the twins died because of drug overdose, which will be tackled later on. you guys might think that it's weird of me to focus on their past lives but it's really, really important, since it's an explanation as to why everything is happening and why they choose to do what they are doing.

 **(2)** so yes, while tokuhime still remembers what she is supposed to remember, tsunayoshi is slowly losing his memories because while tokuhime originally didn't exist in the manga/anime/series, tsunayoshi was a legitimate character and he has a role to fulfill. this will be explained in the further chapters but the next chapter will finally have reborn appearing! i can't wait for canon to happen already because i have a long-ass list of what i want to happen and the plans that i really want to write. i can't wait for the twins to meet mukuro and byakuran tbh. i also want tokuhime to meet hibari already because of you-know-what. will tsunayoshi still have his guardians? will tokuhime even have guardians? ooOOOf!


	4. sweet idleness

**nakamura1miu:** ksksksks im happy you love it! sorry for the delay :DD

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 _ **il dolce far niente.**_

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Something that people should know about the Sawada twins is that while they look everything like their mother with their brown hair and flickering eyes, they act nothing like her. Adults cannot help but coo at them during their childhood—intertwined fingers and mirroring one another, _your twins are adorable, Sawada-san!_ In the small and idle town of Namimori, everyone knows everybody and while the neighbors whisper about the airhead Nana _(_ pretty in her own right with her Yamato Nadeshiko-like appearance and mannerisms _)_ and her estranged foreigner of a husband, while the neighbors are wary of the strange visitors coming every now and then whenever the blond eccentricity comes back from a questionable job—does Sawada-san really believe that? _Shh, we're not supposed to talk about it!_ —the neighbors absolutely love the twins.

Little Tsunayoshi who is quiet and hides behind her mother's skirt but never letting go of his twin sister, Tokuhime, the more confident and upbeat one, yet still secluded and huddled to the corner with her brother. Everybody likes to think that they know Tsunayoshi and Tokuhime like the back of their hands; Tsunayoshi dislikes the color orange, Tokuhime grimaces at cheese, Tsunayoshi does not have friends and rumor has it that he dislikes the sweet Kyoko-chan _(_ Kyoko-chan out of all children out there; Kyoko-chan is the sweetest! _)_ , Tokuhime dislikes sports and always avoids the baseball team, which is odd since Japan takes most pride on their baseball team but maybe it's because of her foreign genes—she looks like her father the most after all, and of course, one of the most basic of facts, Tokuhime is nearby when Tsunayoshi is there, and vice versa.

And maybe it is a little sad, _too sad_. As twins, they can never be in the same class, always separated but for given reasons, they always find each other during breaks, something their schoolmates always see, from elementary school to their current middle school.

"It's really hard to approach Sawada," fidgeting fingers and averting eyes, "it's just that they seem like they're in a completely different world, you know?"

"Sawada twins? Well, I don't know much. They just talk when they're talked to—and not many talk to them."

Vibrant eyes and small smiles. "Them! I heard they're father's a foreigner! They're half, right?"

"No! No! Their dad is half too so that makes them—a quarter? Their surname is Sawada, you know, that's Japanese."

"I heard their mom eloped with their dad, since her parents didn't like that she was marrying a foreigner."

Reborn personally thinks this case is complicated. Too complicated for his liking. The reports that the CEDEF sent him had been facts but Reborn squinted and caught tints and hints of bias. They say that Sawada Iemitsu loves his family above all else, but Reborn learns to believe only himself, not trusting even the world's greatest informants in form of the CEDEF during missions. Iemitsu is a man even Reborn finds hard to predict, sometimes prioritizing the famiglia—he offers his son to the Nono and the aged man frowns—and sometimes, putting his own family first. Iemitsu must be one of the most selfish men that Reborn has encountered and he has met thousands upon thousands. He has this sick way of showing everyone how selfless he is, convincing and pleading everyone of how he is a good man and would do anything for his fami _(glia)_ ly when at the very end, all the benefits point back to himself. Iemitsu's way of becoming selfish, of proving his love and adoration, is the most dangerous form of it.

(Reborn hears about the Sawada Twins—he squints his eyes at the thought that the Young Lion of Vongola actually procreated—three years after they are born. Information Headquarters of Vongola or not, Reborn is still one of the Strongest Seven, and Vongola Security is not enough to stop him from knowing a thing or two about one of the most feared men in the underworld.

Sawada Tsunayoshi and Sawada Tokuhime, with Iemitsu choosing to maintain the tradition of how ninety percent of the members of the Sawada Family takes their name from the Tokugawa Clan, who were more known as the succeeding daimyou in history. Tokuhime, as a female, obviously had not inherited this daimyou tradition and instead, received the name of a member of the Oda Clan who married into the Tokugawa Clan for political reasons. Reborn knows Mafia Traditions and he knows a purposeful name when he sees one. Iemitsu is basically saying that he will be marrying off his daughter some time soon but another thing about the mysterious Tokuhime who married into the Tokugawa Clan instead of staying within the confines of an equally great Clan, is how her mechanizations to bring down her mother-in-law ended up with her beloved husband getting killed as well. It makes Reborn think what exactly is Iemitsu thinking.

 _Why did he give such a tragic and horrible name to his daughter?_

And then there is the male counterpart, the better heir for the throne all because of having been born with male reproductive organs—previous Donna or not, the Mafia cannot help but prefer males over the much meeker women. Tokugawa Tsunayoshi had not been an impressive daimyou; after a monk had told him that his past life was a dog, he punished everyone who had dared harm the animals, hence his nickname as The Dog Daimyou which was a distasteful reputation for a powerful man. Once again, Reborn did not understand why Iemitsu chose such odd names. Tokugawa Tsunayoshi was never known as a powerful daimyou, only a foolish and animal-prioritizing one, and Tokuhime is no better.)

Reborn knows more about the twins, _of course_ —it is expected of him to know them from the moon and back to be able to understand what kind of leaders they are going to be—more Tsunayoshi than Tokuhime but it does not hurt to be prepared. What if Tsunayoshi is mysteriously assassinated as well? Reborn remembers how dark Iemitsu's eyes had been when the throne of Vongola Decimo now belonged to either one of his beloved twins, his beloved twins with the same Sky Flames that are supposedly the most powerful and rarest of all flames. _And yet he volunteered his children._ Iemitsu is unpredictable, dangerous, and too reckless. And yet, Iemitsu is known as a genius by many, known as one of the most powerful members of the mafia to walk this land, especially with his CEDEF and his powerful Sky Flames. His deep association with Vongola and being the second most powerful man in the aforementioned famiglia only puts emphasis on his power.

Tsunayoshi and Tokuhime are not Flame Active _(_ sealed by Nono himself _)_ , a shame since Reborn will have to go through the hassle of activating those flames himself _(_ Reborn can only imagine the feeling of getting robbed by your flames, the identity that defines a person; _disgusting lonely empty_ he would go mad _)_. They are also, apparently, very smart with their grades always around the top rankings. Their reputation in their school are not ideal; children whisper about how creepy they are—the mysterious facade they have and the almost unreachable feel they exude. They do not have friends, barely any connections with their peers. Always together, the reports say, barely seen without one another. Another report says how much of a miracle it had been to separate them to different classes once upon a time and the anger that both of them had when the word 'far' is uttered will always be remembered.

 _Reliant_ , Reborn notes. Very much so.

He has to fix that.

The Sawada twins inherit more from their mother than from their father which is good if they choose to lead a civilian life, and will probably help with their survival in the Mafia World but as bosses? Reborn prefers seeing the sharp angles of Iemitsu behind the desk rather than seeing the soft-hearted silhouette of their annoyingly civilian mother. But he sees their growth, slowly leaning closer to Iemitsu. Slowly but surely.

Reborn still has many things to fix.

But seeing them in real life turns out to be more anti-climatic than Reborn had expected but what exactly did Reborn expect? Perhaps this, perhaps something else. The mother though, Sawada Nana, is irritatingly predictable. Should he fix that? He ends up deciding not to. Iemitsu had been firm on the fact that Nana was going to be left out of the loop for as long as he lived. Reborn thought that was stupid, both on Iemitsu and Nana's side. If he had been Nana, he would have had left Iemitsu the moment he had a chance but really, if he had been Iemitsu too, he would never have had settled down with such an airhead of a wife. He never liked people like those two—driven by emotions; one by the need to have company, and the other drunk in a relationship she likes to think as love.

When he had first seen Nana, he decided that he had never seen one as drunk in Sky Flames as Nana had been, despite having similar flames. She had been so high in the flames of Iemitsu, too much that it looked pitiful. Her soul had slowly become clouded by everything she does not see, too clouded by the beautiful Sky Flames digging deep in her bones and refusing to be let go.

And not to mention, the children. Tsunayoshi and Tokuhime look exactly like the pictures told him; slightly on the smaller side, skinny despite all the food Nana prepares for them every morning, eyes flickering from brown to a paler shade to a deeper shade depending on the lighting of the sun, sticking too close to each other for comfort.

"Ciaossu!"

 _This family is pathetic._

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Tsunayoshi feels like he has been waiting for this to happen for most of his life, despite his fading memories and the concerned glances he receives from his twin sister. _(_ Just because he does not remember his own name, the name of his twin sister, a handful of happenings from the past, does not mean that he is going to completely forget; he will never forget, _he will never leave Tokuhime alone so stop accusing him.)_ Reborn is here. Reborn is exactly as the Anime and Manga say he is; infant-looking with a particularly dangerous demeanor that the back of his head is screaming at, his consciousness tugging him away from the greatest hitman in the world, the Arcobaleno of the Sun, his home tutor that will be bringing a whole band of misfortune to him just because of his father and the blood in his veins.

He feels Tokuhime's sealed flames tickling against his own— _would you die with me_ —almost fearfully and that makes him feel even more fearful. Tokuhime has always been the one most excited for this world between the two of them but he understands the fear; what if Reborn finds out? What if they get separated again because he cannot handle being alone with her please don't let them get separated he will do anything so please— _would you die with me? I have a favor_ —anything, _anything, anything for you._

Reborn's casualness towards the whole situation irks him, how easily he told the twins they were both the heirs to a Mafia organization _but_ —"Tsunayoshi automatically gets to be the next Decimo," his small voice does not help and as if sensing Tokuhime's impending question, he tilts his head, and despite their feet of differences in terms of height, Tsunayoshi feels small when Reborn met Tokuhime's frown, "Tokuhime needs to learn too. Who knows when Tsunayoshi might be assassinated?"

Tsunayoshi does not fail to notice how Tokuhime's fists clench in annoyance. They both do not fail to notice the underlying comment. _You're just the second option, the last option._ And one thing that Tsunayoshi knows about Tokuhime is how she treasures her pride as if it is her lifeline; little Tokuhime is selfish, attention-seeking, and everything that a _brat_ represents _(_ but even then, _I will always love you,_ even then _)_ and Reborn seems to know that. He is picking up on every bit of her habits, her small flinches, and her immediate reactions. He remembers hearing Tokuhime say how much she adored Reborn's character but with the way she is frowning at the moment, he doubts that thought still remains.

Reborn easily targets Tokuhime's greatest weaknesses; her brother and her pride.

Tsunayoshi decides to interrupt. He knows, they both know, it will be better for them if they do not end up in Reborn's bad side but knowing Tokuhime and distaste towards everyone but themselves, this will go very badly. "Reborn—"

"How cute!"

The sudden appearance of Sasagawa Kyoko causes Tokuhime's frown to deepen even more. Tsunayoshi watches his sister clench her fists around the strap of her bag tightly. They have always been using the other way in order to avoid bumping into people that are not supposed to be encountered, and Kyoko is one of them, and yet, _now_ , the very day that Reborn shows up, Kyoko choses the route they usually use. The world must be against them, forcing them to go to where it is supposed to be going. _There is no escape_ , the world seems to say, _you will always be Tsuna_ —and he hates it. He knows what it means when he truly becomes _Tsuna_ and he prefers not to become that pathetic boy. If he has any say in it, he will rather leave the country and never come back, and of course, Tokuhime will be there. They will be huddled together and _never leave one another because hello, hello, the Mafia will be separating_ them and they are terrified of that.

He meets Kyoko's eyes for a moment and his first instinct is to avoid her gaze. _I don't want anything to do with you_ , he chants to himself, _I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you_ —

"Tsuna," Reborn calls to him the moment Kyoko finally leaves. The Mafioso does not fail to notice the odd silence that Tokuhime is sporting. He feels smug. "You want to talk to the girl, right?"

"It's not _Tsuna_ ," Tokuhime immediately fires back, her face turning red in annoyance. _Everything is disappearing. Everything is breaking down all because of the appearance of Reborn._ "He's called Tsunayoshi, not Tsuna."

"I don't recall asking you."

Tokuhime feels her temper rise and rise _and rise and rise_ —she hates Reborn.

Tsunayoshi frowns. "I don't want anything to do with her," he grumbles to Reborn and begins on walking, not wanting to have this conversation so early in the morning and judging by how Tokuhime is beginning to be more aggressive with her words, neither does she. He has no mood for dealing with this annoying _thing._

Reborn remains stoic as he jumps on Tokuhime's head. The girl immediately attempts to swat him off her head but fails. "Are you convincing _me_ , or are you convincing yourself?" The toddler asks as his hand reaches for the chameleon on his hat with Tsunayoshi's back turned. "Tsuna, you should really learn to stop lying."

Annoyed, Tsunayoshi turns around. "Look, I'm not—"

"Tell Sasagawa Kyoko what you feel," Reborn says _(_ this looks so familiar where had he seen this before _what does that gun mean again he forgets he does not remember why can he not remember why why_ why can he not remember _)_ and lifts his gun. He jumps up when he feels Tokuhime attempting to stop him, pale hands reaching for his form, "with your Dying Will."

 _( **bang** )_

Sawada Tsunayoshi is in middle school when he dies. The last thing he sees is the look of dread in his twin sister's eyes; Tokuhime has always been a selfish child, wanting everything for herself despite the fact that Tsunayoshi has given everything for her. _He has a sister? He does not remember having a sister._ He wants to apologize for leaving so early, for leaving her alone, and he knows she will never _ever, ever_ forgive him for that. The itch on the corner of his eyes suddenly appears, almost as if wanting to cry. Reborn is still perched on Tokuhime's shoulders.

He can protect Tokuhime, right?

But— _tell Sasagawa Kyoko what you feel_ —there is that too. He has always been cruel to Sasagawa Kyoko, the kind girl looking too much like his own mother, all because of the unnatural kindness she has. He has always hated the caramel scent of her appearance, always spat on her existence because _isn't she too good to be true?_ She is too _kind_ to be real—too pure and untainted to be even considered human; unblemished appearance, pearly white teeth, kindness rolling off her tongue as if it is a foreign language a _nd he used to hate that so much wait used to when did he stop when did he stop hating her when when when I don't understand you like her now you don't hate her now_ —

He—

 _He wants to apologize._

 _He wished he apologized to Kyoko before dying._

 _What a waste_ —

Sawada Tsunayoshi is in middle school when he dies.

It does not take long for him to be reborn.

"Apologize to Sasagawa Kyoko with my Dying Will!"

 _(_ Tokuhime weeps as her chest burns. _)_

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Her throat burns with the suddenness of the flavor but she does not speak to complain. Most days, she will complain and complain until she has nothing to complain about but _most days_ is different from _today_ , and _today_ is different from _most days_. She hates it; this day ruins everything for her and if she can make a choice, if she has any say to what the world has to do, _if she has a tad bit of more power_ , then she will want this day to disappear. It comes too early, too suddenly, and _she hates it._ She does not expect this to happen and nobody gives her a warning but it happens and _she watches it happen before her eyes and she hates and hates and hates more than she can care to admit._ Tokuhime is a woman made of envy, greed, wrath, and _the seven deadly sins choke her throat like a barb wire digging through her skin_ and she hates. Is this all she can do? Is this all she can be? _Is she really just all about hate and hate and a little more hate because there is no such thing_ as hating too much.

She has been hating even before she knew how to love. Is that how it is supposed to work? Does hate come before love? Because _did you know,_ you will not know hate unless you know love, you will not know love unless you know hate? _Did you know that?_

It's just that—her hands let go of the chopsticks between her fingers as if she has forgotten how to use them. She has always been more comfortable with spoons, and forks, knives, and _not chopsticks._ The chopsticks hit the soup and she does not flinch when the heat tickles her hands, does not move when her skin reddens with the sudden touch. She does not know when she cries but she already is. The scent of ramen disappears before she can register it, the pain going along with it. Her hard seat fades, wood succumbing to cotton and silk. She tilts her head, already knowing where the change is coming from. _When did she feel the most comfort with black eyes?_ When did she prefer abyssal gazes over the _orange red orange yellow orange sunset against the kiss of skies_? When did she long for the abyss to stare at her, take her, and never give her back to wherever she has come from?

She does not recall much of their encounter, but she knows it involves tears, so much of it because _Tokuhime is a crybaby and that will never change since she is still crying up until now._ Poor, little Tokuhime, but she thinks it is okay. The non-existent heat of the mist flames engulfs her and comforts her in more ways than one. She always feels so dirty after meeting the touch of these flames but for now, _since it is not most days for today is not most days and most days is not today_ , she lets herself relax. "Reborn-kun must be looking for you, you know," the man's voice is cool and soothing, too fake for her liking but she supposes it is okay.

"He's not," she answers after a couple of beats. She leans forward, digging her face against the pillow that is presented before her. "He's too busy with _Tsuna_."

Kawahira perks up in curiosity and slumps on the seat beside her. His dark eyes twinkle in amusement and that is exactly when Tokuhime realizes he is far from amused about this. Kawahira is not normally a happy man; he is a Mist and Mists are the masters of deceit. Kawahira is no better than the next Mist, and it is no surprise that he may be a lot worse than your average Mist, perhaps worse than the future Mist Guardian of her twin brother. _She hates it_. "Oh?" He hums. "Tsuna? Correct me if I am wrong but did the little miss just call her beloved, her _oh-so beloved_ , twin brother _Tsuna?_ Could it be that a Mist has taken Toku-chan's face? You see, the first time I met the little miss was when she was beating me with her _tiny, tiny, tiny_ fists, insisting that her _Tsunayoshi_ is different from Tsuna! She fought me for calling her brother with a nickname, can you imagine that? So the little miss over here is probably—either a _fake_ , or someone who finally accepts that her beloved brother is—"

" _No_ ," Tokuhime manages to croak out in annoyance, her voice cracking from the wailing she did not too long ago, " _you don't understand._ Tsunayoshi is not supposed to be _Tsuna_. I did everything so he doesn't have to be Tsuna but Reborn— _Reborn_ just pulled his _fucking_ gun and—it was supposed to be alright! It was supposed to be! It wasn't supposed to happen and Tsunayoshi _hates_ Kyoko—he hates her! _His Dying Will_ was supposed to be _us._ We're twins. We're siblings. _We're twins!_ It was supposed to be _us_. We promised! You know what his _Dying Will was? Do you know?_ Do you know the feeling of giving everything, of believing that everything was going to be alright—we were just _us_ , it has always been us!—he _apologized to Kyoko!_ His Dying Will was _Kyoko!_ It wasn't supposed to be like that. I thought— _I thought that it would be something related to us._ It was supposed to be about us! _I did everything for him._ I—" She sobs.

If it had been her—if _it had been her_ —her Dying Will would have been to _apologize._ She would have had apologized for leaving, for abandoning him, tell him that she loves him with all her heart.

"He's going to leave me," she mumbles, "he's going to become Tsuna. It isn't fair. _It's not fair._ "

She does not move even when a palm meets her head, even when her hair—she fixes it every morning, wakes up too early to fix the curls and the twists—becomes messy with the comforting touch of the abyss. Even then, she continues to cry. "Tokuhime," Kawahira says and his tone is completely different from their topic, "you know, I was wondering who will be the next Sky Arcobaleno after Aria. I thought it would be great if it was you; passionate, greedy, a unique variation of a Sky— _but_ , sadly, I don't have any use for broken Skies. Much less, _fake Skies._ " He taps her chest and she winces at the remains of the burns.

Tokuhime looks at him in disbelief. "Are you—are you going to leave me too?" She asks pleadingly and Kawahira wants to frown at the pathetic display she is showing but he does not. At the end, this child is still a child.

"No, no, of course not," Kawahira shakes his head, "Tsunayoshi won't be leaving you anytime soon too. You can still be _needed_ , Toku-chan. Just wait until the seal is completely removed. It might be a little painful but you want to be with Tsunayoshi-kun, right? You want Tsunayoshi-kun to keep on remembering, right?"

She nods helplessly, "yes."

"Then—"

 _Don't worry, little crybaby._

"—you just have to keep on waiting."

 _Save your tears._

 _It's just the beginning._

 **.**

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 **(1)** tokuhime isn't a yandere, nor is she romantically in love with tsunayoshi. i told you all, there are **no incest** that is going to happen here. this is purely the highest peak of sibling love. tokuhime and tsunayoshi have been together, even before they ended up in khr and as twins too, and have been through so much which only strengthened their bond. what happened with kyoko is just the beginning of this fic, _woah!_ it revealed that while tsunayoshi holds dislike towards kyoko, he feels guilty about this too, and if you squint, even through the handful of times tokuhime was mentioned in his pre-dying will, he still ended up apologizing to kyoko, as his dying will and made tokuhime feel betrayed. she felt forgotten. i don't think reborn's orders affect the dying will mode, only the heavy thoughts of whoever is going to be in dying will mode, and tokuhime knew this and felt so utterly betrayed.

 **(2)** tokuhime is, overall, a huge child. she's so afraid of being alone that it affects the way she perceives things. tsunayoshi is slowly becoming tsuna despite everything that tokuhime has done to prevent it (the things she did will be explained throughout the story) and how the hell did toku meet kawahira? well, we'll find out, ya'll.

 **(3)** reborn and tokuhime currently dislike each other but their relationship will improve through time. reborn likes tsunayoshi because he's more reasonable than tokuhime, while he thinks tokuhime is a huge brat. he hopes tsunayoshi doesn't die because he doesn't find it ideal for tokuhime to become the decimo. reborn likes riling up tokuhime though, especially when he thinks she's predictable and just your normal brat. kawahira is a different story though. his relationship with toku is hard to explain but izzokay, it'll be explained.

 **(4)** thank you for waiting for this chapter! i would love to hear your reviews about this, thank you very much!


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